Recursion

At times my life works best blogless. but sometimes I really need a blog, whether it be this one *pats blog with affection* or any of the dozens I've created and destroyed on whims over the past few years. I've been thinking about where my blog need comes from, and I've got a few leads now.

Conversation is limited in my world. The type of conversation that involves two or more minds really sitting down, stretching their mindy legs and engaging in something of mutual interest with passion and fervour and openness and sensitivity and love, with an undercurrent of appreciation of the great value of the process of enquiry itself (fuelled by an à l'arrière-plan but nevertheless compelling thirst for arriving at the destination, of course). Most of my friends are timeless - they just don't have the time for such exploration. The correlation between having time for and being inclined towards I shall but hint at here.

And, oh, some of my friends do have the inclination and thus the time, but they aren't suitable conversation partners (SCPs) for me. That's neither a blot on them nor on me. It's just the way the water flows.

What about the SCP friends who do have the inclination but can't be physically present to converse with me? Chat. Email. Letters. Not the same as talking to them, though. Body language dies a slow, painful death, clubbed to its pathetic demise by emoticons and typed out hugs couched in asterisks and BRBs in chat streams.

*sighs*

And look at me! I have chatter in my head. Questions. Comments. Observations. Unfunny jokes. Concerns. Curiosity has permanent residence in my upper storey, and with it around, it's a blah-blah party up there. Oh, no mistake - my mind's very happy and comfortable with silence. And solitude. I'm an introvert, yeah. But I have a brain-and-heart combo that would like to meet other brain-and-heart combos every now and then. I've also noticed that following a slice of such sharing comes a period of affinity to my alone time. And this is a happy scenario in my books! Meet and then retreat, both with a great sense of contentment - it's like hitting F5 on life every time!

Unfortunately folks almost always seem to be too near or too far and it's tough sometimes to alternate between managing this extreme and that. There are a few people in this world, though, who know me enough to sense when's too near and when's too far. That's one of the reasons I'm not a thanni-thelichu-vittufied recluse, I suppose. :)

So, back to blog-need ramble: My blog's sometimes too near and sometimes too far too, but it's almost always been there when I've been of the verge of exploding with the need to communicate. Thanks, blog thing! :)

PS1: When it comes to social networks like FB and Orkut, too near and too much is the norm and this makes me run. I deleted my profiles on these two years ago and I've never ever nevereverever felt even the remotest urge to return to their folds. Twitter's a blessing in comparison. I can yell into its 140-character depths whenever my life fidgets with restlessness at the inability to find an SCP or when the need to communicate overshadows the need to communicate to someone. I love it. :) *offers it chocolate cake*

PS2: Sometimes all I want from an SCP is to sit with him/her in silence. Maybe read a bit. Maybe go for a walk with him/her. Maybe walk away from him/her knowing that he/she'll be there when I get back. Not all communication has to be verbal.